When Fear Triumphs

A cold heart cannot feel
What blind eyes cannot see
Love, peace, understanding

So often hidden behind prejudice and hate
Disdained and overlooked among
Doubts and disappointments
Beauty transformed
In the eyes of perceived enemies

No longer shining, sadly diminishing
Awaiting understanding, or better yet, a smile
When fear triumphs, we all lose

Hope still dances, but the music fades
Gentle souls sing softly in the distance
Masquerading as the naive
Wisdom fit for a child
Like the body, it is destroyed

In a cold world, I search
For innocent minds, open hears, and loving eyes
For in the mirror, they have been lost

Courage Award (Article from the newspaper)

http://www.neoshodailynews.com/features/x1535088888/-Fighting-through

‘Fighting through’

Local man who suffered brain injury in China receives award for hanging tough.

Neosho, Mo. — A Goodman resident who suffered a fall from three stories in China has received an award from the Brain Injury Association of Missouri

Freddie Jennings, 29, was presented with the courage award from the association on Oct. 22 in St. Louis. The plaque, shaped in the state of Missouri, reads, “Freddie Jennings presented in recognition of your accomplishments in life after brain injury.

“I was trying to fix a clothes drying rack (in China), and as I was standing on my Futon to try to reach it, it slipped; I fell forward out of the window and fell through an awning and hit a sign. I fell three stories,” Jennings said of the incident, which occurred April 15. “I was there two months after the accident.

Jennings was in China teaching through Missouri State University at the college’s international business school

“I was a public speaking professor/instructor and taught there for three semesters,” he said

Jennings was nominated for the award by his therapist. After the nomination, his therapist notified him that he was one of three people for the award

“I think that it is an honor for me (to receive the award) because it shows that I am taking a positive approach to [my injury],” Jennings said. “They are saying how a lot of people with brain injuries let it beat them. I am still fighting it. I am keeping a positive attitude for other people to see that. And maybe I can influence other people. (The award) is for showing a positive attitude during difficult situation and fighting through.

Jennings mom, Kathy, is also pleased with her son receiving the award

“I feel very fortunate that he is here and everything,” she said. “I am really happy that he got it. I think he wells deserves it (the award). He is a walking miracle I think.”

Jennings has not gone back to work, but is taking voice lessons at Crowder College and also guitar lessons, which he said is helping a lot.

“I am interested in music, so I am doing those things,” he said. “It is nice because I have time now.”

With the guitar lessons and keeping busy, Jennings said it is helping him recuperate and helping his brain activity.

“I do think that you have to keep using it or else you can’t stay the same,” Jennings said. “So you go forward or fall back, but you have to keep using it. You keep pushing forward or you are going to lose what you once had. I am playing board games with my family, different activities. Just things that keep me going, keep me thinking, I am not sitting around.”

Jennings is thinking about goals in the future.

“I have been teaching quite a while, so I like teaching, but the main thing that I like is the feeling of helping people,” he said. “I like helping people, whether it be through teaching or maybe through politics or music. I want to be able to reach people and help them… But right now, my full time job is recovery.”

‘Fighting through’

DAILY NEWS/TODD G. HIGDON: Freddie Jennings holds his award from the Brain Injury Association of Missouri. He fell three stories in China while teaching there.

 

Life of Goodbyes

Once again, I must go, some stay, others don't
If I return, the river will have changed
A new stream, a new world constructed
Better or worse, I cannot say, only different

In a life of goodbyes, a home can't be built
True friends are but an abstraction
Temporary comfort and adventures
Floating about, drifting slowly away

Stories are told, but quickly forgotten
Sweet memories fading with time
Yesterday's snapshot, blurred by today
And by tomorrow's ominous approach

The World I Know

THE WORLD I KNOW IS FULL OF hunger, pain, and greed.
IT CAN BE cold and cruel.
THE WORLD I HATE IS:
Silent betrayal
Me first
Tough luck
Turned-up noses
Unfaithful lovers
Unrequited love
Jerry Springer
Oil spills
Drug dealers
Children soldiers
Thinking inside the box
Pornography
Starving children
E-6
Callous hearts
Cold stares
Drunk drivers
Polluted rivers
Barred windows
"I can't"
Broken relationships
Brain injuries
Closed minds
THE WORLD I KNOW IS NEVER PERFECT...

THE WORLD I KNOW IS FULL OF passion, joy, and hope.
IT IS warm and friendly.
THE WORLD I LOVE IS:
Laughing children
A stranger's smile
Unsung heroes
Passionate kisses
Random kindness
Two-step and waltz
Sensuality
Gentle hug
Sunday drives
4-6-3 double plays
Fresh strawberries
Happy tears
Feet on the coffee table
Unconditional love
Shakespeare
"I do"
Natural highs
Live music
Unbridled excitement
Gentle breeze
Golden Anniversaries
Walks along the beach
Possibilities
...BUT IT IS ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL.

APPRECIATE LIFE'S FAILURES

If I have shown courage, it is not from me.  It is from the Lord and a loving family.  If I had gone through what I went through by myself, I would probably be depressed and crying. However, the Lord has given me strength and my family has given me encouragement.

I never thought about a brain injury survivor being someone who exemplified courage; that is why I was a little surprised when I heard that I won this award (BTW, I won the Courage Award from the Missouri Brain Injury Association). When I think of courage, I think of firefighters or soldiers...or some guy that wrestles bears, not someone like me, but if we look at courage as tackling a tough situation with a positive attitude, then I guess we can view brain injury survivors as courageous.

I have lost a lot from my accident.  I have vision and balance problems among many others, but, dammit, I am not going down without a fight.  I am going to battle through these things and continue to chase my dreams.  We all have a hand that is dealt to us (or that we later draw), and what is important is how we play our cards.  If we fold our hand, give up and call it quits, then we show no courage.  We let the situation win.  However, if we continue to fight (using God and those close to us as strength), then we can overcome.  We can move past circumstances and show our courageous colors. 

I have been told quite often how great it is that I am still smiling.  Of course, I am.  Do you know how much I am blessed?  First of all, I am lucky to be alive, but also, I have been blessed with the best family and friends in the world.  Most importantly, I have been blessed spiritually--God sent his only son to die for our sins and now I will live forever in Paradise.  Hallelujah, I have been blessed--we have been blessed.  That is more than enough reason to keep me smiling.

Healing from the Lord



Just a few days ago, it was six months since I fell (April 15).  Its amazing how much I have recovered. 

Six months ago, I was in a coma.

Three months ago, I was in a wheelchair.

Now I am walking pretty good, starting to jog a little, and getting better in so many other ways.  Its tough to complain about my vision (which I will do sometimes) when I can see the miracle healing that is going on in my life.  So many people have been praying for me: If you are one of them, please continue to do so; if you are not, please start.  We serve the Great Physician and Healer. God made us; he can heal us.

Eyes of an Angel

Well, I put on here the song about my dad so I guess I should put on the one I wrote about my mom.  Both my parents have been beyond amazing in caring for me as I have gone through this with my fall.  I know people are able to see the physical problems that I am dealing with, but I don't think anyone can grasp what I am going through emotionally.  It would be hard to deal with balance or vision or smell or taste or hearing problems, but I am dealing with all of this, plus more, at the same time.  It really is hard to lose as much as I have...so quick especially, I think. Everyday it is a battle to keep a positive attitude--I NEED THE ENCOURAGEMENT FROM THOSE AROUND ME.  Luckily, I have a family -and friends- that have stood behind and walked beside me through this whole ordeal.

The line that started this song was "Seeing me for the man I want to be."  Maybe I haven't accomplished anything too special in my life...YET, but I have the potential and the desire to do great things.  It is that which my mom sees, at least, I think so.  I don't feel like I have to prove myself to her.  Like I have to do anything to gain her love -- she gives that freely.

Beyond that line, I hoped to touch on her angelic presence in my life and the fact that she does watch over me in a lot of ways.  This isn't the only reason that I love her, but it is very important and has shown me how to love other people.  How to look at those I love and how to treat them. 

Mom and Dad, I love you!



Eyes of an Angel

There’s so many things about you that I have grown to love
Your smile, and your laugh, and your tender touch
But when I look at you, the first thing that I see
Are those pretty angel eyes looking back at me
So full of passion, kindness, and care
Saying that you love me, and that you’ll always be there

Oh, the eyes of an angel, so pure and so bright
Shining like the stars on a clear blue night
Seeing me for the man that I want to be
Oh, the eyes of an angel, watching over me

I have failed so many times, it seems
But when I lost all hope, you taught me to dream
When I was down, I found strength in your love
Because you believed in me, I never gave up
It wasn’t what you said, it’s the way you looked at me
That gave me the hope I needed, that made me believe

Oh, the eyes of an angel, so pure and so bright
Shining like the stars on a clear blue night
Seeing me for the man that I want to be
Oh, the eyes of an angel, watching over me

What Makes a Cowboy

It's a crazy world we live in.  I guess it has always been crazy, but I wasn't around for any other time than the current.  Through my life (high school-college-real world), one thing that has really stood out to me is that so many people live unaccountable lives.  Thinking about it, I think one of the most important things about being a good man (or woman) is knowing responsibility, being accountable for your actions. Don't blame things on others; life is what we make it; the buck stops here; real men take responsibility.

Perhaps that is one of the reasons why SW Missouri is so Republican on a lot of issues (and don't forget the conservative church).  There is an accountability that is assumed...that is expected.  You get what you work for; you don't deserve anything more--or less. Welfare and universal health care will have a hard time getting support around here.  I understand that we should lend a hand to those that are down, but some people need to get a work ethic and a job--and get off the system. 

I am getting a little off track from where I meant to be headed so I will try to redirect a little.  The major influence in becoming a man, like most other men, is my dad.  Through his actions (more than words), he has taught me how to be a man.  He works hard (at the factory and out with the cattle) and takes care of his family. Taking care of my family and community is what I want to be able to do with my life.  I understand that there are going to be struggles that will go along with that, but bring it on.  My dad taught me to be a strong man so I can take it.

For the song below, I was inspired to write it by my dad.  Who not only showed me what it takes to be a man, but a cowboy.  It's not important what you wear--whats important is how you live.

What Makes a Cowboy

I’ve heard it said—that the cowboy way is dead--Like its something that’s been lost in the past
I tell them friend—they’ll be here ‘til the end--So don’t go ‘round talking like that
They’ll always remain—cause some things just don’t change--And thank God that they’re still about
Cause from the experiences I’ve had—when things go bad--It’s the cowboys that are gonna help you out

It ain’t the boots or the hat—or nothing like that
That makes a cowboy a cowboy, no sir
It ain’t the horse or the saddle—that really does matter
And it sure ain’t the buckle and spurs
With strong working hands—a strong independent man
He’s someone who’ll never turn his back
Oh, when troubles surround us—there’s still cowboys around us
But sometimes they don’t wear the hat

It ain’t the campfire jokes—or the Marlboro smokes--That make up a cowboy, my friend
Cause a cowboy’s a cowboy—will always be a cowboy--A cowboy will be there ‘til the end
When troubles abound—and everyone is backing down--The cowboy, he’ll stand and fight
Putting his life on the line—each and every time--To defend what he knows is right

Cowboy’s an attitude, a simple way of life--Ain’t something you wear, its something inside

Oh when troubles surround us--Thank God, there’s still cowboys around us
Though sometimes they don’t wear the hat

(Ironically, we both have cowboy hats on in this photo)

I know I put the link on before, but this should take you to my music page if you want to listen:

http://www.myspace.com/freddiesoul/music

Neosho High School Class of 2001

10 years.

We had our 10 year class reunion this past weekend.  Wooo...Class of 2001.

Watching people, not much has changed.  Some got married; some had kids; some got rounder, but, all in all, people are still the same.

Was good to see everybody!

This was actually the first time I have been around alcohol since I have been told that I cannot drink anymore.  It's not that I mind not drinking--I just hate the fact that there's something the doctor's tell me I may never be able to do again.  It's hard to give up anything long-term because of the fall.  That all being said, though I had wondered how I would react, it really wasn't all that bad...and it is cheaper not to drink. :)